help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
