16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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