Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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