look no pants
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
