***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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