Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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