I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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