Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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