i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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