i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
