I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Couch. On fire.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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