so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i now understand why vodka
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
