hotel room ftw
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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