The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
