Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
be right there i have to get my cape
How does it feel to date your dad?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
