That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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