Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize