You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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