No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
