The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
