Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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