Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
