Need sex. Gaining weight.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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