We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
