Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
