hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
