soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
