OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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