the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
