I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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