I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
