Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
