sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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