I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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