I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
