fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
