Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize