to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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