Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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