how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
