My hand turned me down
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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