remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
