a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
