I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
