I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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