My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
