***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
