i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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