WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
