The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
