All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
