wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i was born a porn star she said
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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