Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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