i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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