so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
