Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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