what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
