I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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