Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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