Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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