she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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