Your dad touched me again.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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