We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
