so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
no you cant smoke seaweed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
