listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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