My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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