i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
