Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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