I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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