For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
