the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
