If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
